Frequently asked questions

Are you still in contact with Michael?

As it was dealing with the death of your child, was the film hard to make and the book hard to write?

Do you ever really heal from a loss like this?

The sex scenes in your book 'Layla's Story' were very confronting for many people in their frankness. What do you tell people about that?

If you want to ask a question, email info@vanessagorman.com

 

Are you still in contact with Michael?

Michael lives in Melbourne now but we are in regular contact. We still have an enormous amount of love and respect for each other and maintain a great friendship. Michael’s journey is featured in my book ‘Layla’s Story’ - in fact it tells the whole story!

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As it was dealing with the death of your child, was the film hard to make and the book hard to write?

Yes and no. Some days with both projects it was hard to relive the whole experience and I wanted to run a mile. In many ways both the film and the book helped me grieve and also distracted me from the grief.

When you lose a baby, that person is not so real to others and part of doing both projects was to make her real and make sure she would not be forgotten. It was my legacy to her, and that felt like a way I could continue loving her and giving to her. Also, in a strange way, I felt like I was doing her work here on earth, talking about the hidden subject of grief and bringing this kind of a loss out into the open. So it was hard some days but also immensely healing for me.

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Do you ever really heal from a loss like this?

I would say yes. It takes its own time and that may be years rather than months, but by allowing the grief to be expressed and giving it space and time to be felt, it is possible to heal. You never forget and the loss lives on as part of who you are, but peace and happiness can one day be part of your life again.

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The sex scenes in your book 'Layla's Story' were very confronting for many people in their frankness. What do you tell people about that?

That sex can be a beautiful part of a relationship and that since this book is a very intimate portrait of a relationship, and a very honest look at all aspects of one person’s life, it seemed right to include it within the story. Also, in my relationship with Michael, in a sense he was healing me on an emotional level, and I was healing him on a sexual level, so it made sense to include this part of our life together. It was a very joyous part of our shared experience and I wanted to capture that.
Within freedom of speech there is freedom of choice. If people find it offends them they have the choice to skip those bits.

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